Saturday, October 31, 2009


Posted by Newme at 10/31/2009 12:51:00 PM
It's 10 am and my sister who is two years younger than me is coming over for the day. She'll be here in a couple hours and I haven't seen her for eight years. I've already run around the house giving it a once over. There is no way my house is going to be messy when she arrives. And I've finally decided on an outfit that would make me look young, thin, good? How about, better than her? I sit down to do my makeup and take a good look in the mirror at my face, and I wonder. I always looked quite a bit younger than her. That was one of my few consolations when it came to her. The other being that I was much smarter and more outgoing. But she had the beauty, and the curves, and the boobs, and the boys. I, on the other hand, was so skinny with very few curves at all, and I always looked many years younger than I was. Which is great now, but when I was young it drove me crazy. But as we aged I felt I began to have the upper hand. People always thought she was my older sister, and I definitely cherished that fact. But now....Do I still look younger?

So I carefully picked out what makeup to wear and applied it meticulously. If someone was to see the way I was acting they would have thought I was going on a first date with a gorgeous man. But alas no, I just wanted to feel good about how I looked when she walked through the door.

Isn't that just so silly? I'm 50. She's 48. Why in the world would I still feel that way? Normally I don't. Normally I'm just fine with who I am. And I'm even fine with who she is, so long as she lives a thousand miles away. But in walks the person who I grew up with and was my sibling rival, and I'm reduced to feeling a hint (ok, maybe a bit more than a hint) of that childish resentment all over again.

When she arrived, we hugged and chatted and even had our picture taken together. I sure don't remember the last time that happened. I think the last picture of us together was when we were small children before we knew what sibling rivalry was. Anyway, the first funny thing that happened was that in the picture, even though I still do look a bit younger than her, we looked more alike than we ever have. We have different fathers, and I always thought we looked nothing like each other, but now we actually really looked like sisters.

After all the pleasantries and after everyone else arrived, we all sat down and chatted away. At one point my sister said, "I was always jealous of you." What? She said "Everyone always liked you better. You were so outgoing and smart. Whenever I brought a friend home they liked you better." What? Was she serious? I told her that not everyone always liked me better. That she always got all the boys. She even got my boys. My best friend, a guy who I grew up with, and always had a terrible crush on, slept with her. My husband dated her before he dated me. All of them liked her better. We both laughed. How silly we sounded. Like two children. Like two sisters. But I had no idea that she felt that way. And I'm not sure that she knew how I felt. Actually neither of us really feels that way now, and it was good to clear the air and hear what the other went through all those years ago.

As the day progressed we chatted more about the important things in life like shopping, shoes, clothes, makeup, hair, food, coffee, etc. And I found out that we not only looked more alike than ever, but we are a lot alike. Funny! I had always thought we were polar opposites. But no, not really, we have many of the same likes and dislikes.We both are overly concerned about how we look. Our mother calls us vain. Speaking of our mother, she drives both of us equally crazy for the same reasons. We're both coffee addicts. She loves to shop as much as I do. And we're both having similar issues with menopause.

So basically all of our lives there was this other person fairly close in age, with similar likes and dislikes and we both had no idea. We were too stuck, in our own worlds, in our own narrow mindedness, to see that right in front of our faces was the person who could have been our best friend. Instead, we chose to be enemies. It was really rough in our home when we were growing up. I know that we both couldn't wait to turn eighteen and get out of there. It sure would have been nice to have had an ally. That might have made things more bearable. It definitely might have helped us both not to make such bad choices at a young age if we had a sister who could come along side and see what we were doing was wrong. But that was the past. And we both had been equally being stubborn, silly and stupid.

Now that I have matured some, I am more capable of seeing other's points of view. Age has taught me compassion and forgiveness. And now when I think of some of the things my sister said, I feel bad that she felt that way. I feel bad for what she went through, sorry that I added to her troubles instead of being there for her. And I no longer see my enemy. I see my sister, my friend for life.

Unfortunately, those few hours was the only time we were going to be spending together on this trip because she was only in town for the weekend. I'm not really sure when she'll be back, but I do hope it won't be another eight years. I miss her already. Next time I won't worry about how I look in comparison to her. The old hurts, the old resentments are gone. Next time we can just cut straight to the important (fun) things.

How silly, and really pretty sad, that it took me 48 years to figure this out.

Written by Newme (LP)
October 18, 2009


Meredith S P on May 7, 2010 at 7:18 PM said...

I love your 'important' stuff - clothes, make up, coffee... too funny! I hope you can see her again soon! Makes me think, I should probably go call my younger brother; it's been awhile!

Newme on May 7, 2010 at 7:42 PM said...

LOL! Well isn't that the important stuff? Actually I did see her a couple of months later. And we had a nice, uneventful visit.

Thanks Mer!


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